Dungeon Master Discovers Girlfriend is His Least Favorite Kind of Player in Campaign, DnD Experts Share Their Own Stories in Thread

Author image for Eleonora Bader
Eleonora Bader
Apr 2, 2024 11:30 AM EDT

Playing Dungeons and Dragons with players who constantly complain can be challenging, especially if it affects the enjoyment of the game for everyone involved. Unfortunately, this is what this poster was experiencing when he was DMing for his group. Moreover,r this player was his girlfriend, so that made things extra complicated. Nothing like love to make you wanna tear your hair out.

The Dungeon Master in question turned to Reddit after becoming increasingly frustrated with the situation. They simply weren't getting along, and he felt like he was putting in a lot of effort, resulting in a lot of anger. Luckily, Reddit had a lot of insight to offer. They explained their thoughts and shared possible solutions, some even going as far as to share their own stories about spouses and Dungeons and Dragons.

Scroll down to read the entertaining thread, and when you're done, check out these Star Trek memes for Trekkies following the Prime Directive.

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  • 01
    die 00 "My girlfriend is my least favorite kind of player..." 180000
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  • 02
    Found out my girlfriend of 1 year is my least favorite kind of player Table Disputes
    via u/hulkybeing
  • 03
    Recently, I started to DM for my girlfriend and a few of her friends. After our second session it has become apparent that she is the complainer type. Multiple times a session if I say a result of an action or outcome that is not perfect for her character I am met with eye rolls and deep sighs. These sessions have devolved into her texting other people while I am explaining something and then complaining when things do not work out 100% in her favor. It is very frustrating to me, I put in hours
    via u/hulkybeing
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    already busy schedule. My partner should be someone who is willing to support me and work with me. To have that person be constantly arguing and fighting against me bums me out. I am gonna have a talk with her soon. Hopefully that fixes things. How do you all deal with players that no matter how much you try, always find ways to complain?
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    • Admirable-Dog2128 1 day ago Talk sooner rather than later, 3.3k Reply Share ImprovementOdd1122 · 21 hr. ago Yeah. Sounds like neither of them are enjoying it. DnD isn't for everyone, talking about it will likely solve a lot of problems 758 Reply Share
    via u/Admirable-Dog2128, u/ImprovementOdd1122
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    chairmanskitty. 17 hr. ago It's not necessarily that D&D isn't for her, she might just have the wrong expectations. The way she appears to see it, OOP is denying her the opportunity to fulfill the fantasy she imagined for her character. It's a fantasy role playing game, why doesn't he let her play the role the way she wants? Explain that the rules exist to create drama and stakes and that it's a collaborative effort to build up a fantasy character and adventure with real depth, and maybe she'll
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    Zealousideal_Tale266. 17 hr. ago Sounds like she also needs her mind drawn towards the group dynamic that will result if she and the other players would notice that the DM is giving her special girlfriend treatment. Her behavior is toxic to the campaign specifically because she is the girlfriend. She should be coming at it from the other angle altogether, really only complaining if she absolutely has to. 98 Reply Share
    via u/Zealousideal_Tale266
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    HiTGray 1 day ago My wife joined for like two sessions, complained about not succeeding when she rolled a 17 on a skill check and we both agreed it would be better for us both if she bowed out. We have an amazing relationship, but we should not D&D well together. The relationship should take precedence over the game every time. 1.6k Reply Share Lithl 1 day ago Not all great relationships translate well into another context. Just because someone is a good friend doesn't mean they're a good fit fo
    via u/HITGray, u/Lithl
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    A healthy relationship can recognize when there's moments that it's best to just be apart from each other. 463 Reply Share Kit-on-a-Kat 1 day ago | A healthy relationship can be found on Reddit!? :O 61 ✓ Reply Share
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    Oathcrest1 20 hr. ago Maybe if you're wanting to enjoy things and share D n D with her you both should be players. Often times the power dynamic between a player and dm is misconstrued and I've seen it on both sides being taken to rather excessive levels of hubris. That always results in hurt feelings. So that is what I would try to do. Often times when a DM has a significant other as a player character they either favor them too much, or not enough, or they just purposely make them fail due to
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    Oval Dead 18 hr. ago I think this dynamic leads to a parallel with PvP. I don't usually support PvP because it inherently involves competing as opposed to cooperation. Competition can be a bonding experience, but it can also build resentment from losing or perceived unfairness. At least with a cooperative party the ebbs and flows affect the whole party the same on some level. Likewise, I don't think a DM-vs-PC dynamic is good either, but that's harder to eliminate. The nature of the mechanics me
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    . jeremy-o 1 day ago DM D&D is good while it's good but it's not worth spoiling a relationship over. I get the sense she won't change and you'll keep feeling resentful. Take a break, tell her you're not really feeling it, pick it up later in a new context with different people. 266 Reply Share Hatta00 15 hr. ago Could be a canary in the coal mine as well. How does she react to not getting her way otherwise? A 21 Reply Share
    via u/jeremy-o, uHatta00
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    Mirabolis 1 day ago This is an example of “just because you are in a relationship, you don't have to do every activity in common or together." As a long time married person, there will likely be these things in whatever relationship ― where its just better to give each person their space to do the thing that the other “doesn't love,” or "participates in a way" that makes the activity less enjoyable for the other. 145 Reply Share BeanNCheese Burrrito 17 hr. ago 100% this 3 Reply Share
    via u/Mirabolis, u/BeanNCheeseBurrrito
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    Forg1vn 19 hr. ago Hello OP, I'm fortunate in that both my partner and I started DND together. Our first DM was terrible - textbook power- fantasy DM that awarded his love-interests with bonus inspiration and powerful items, and punished the men at the table for existing. We both thought DND wasn't for us. We tried the game again under a new DM and we're both big fans of the game! I've tried to get my GF to play other games in the past, like MMORPGs when I played them, or complex strategy games.
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    I thought I always wanted a girlfriend that would play computer games with me. I stopped playing computer games and realized my desire was deeper than that.. What I was looking for turned out to be a partner that shared activities with me! We still play DND about twice a month in a group that we enjoy spending time with, and she does have fun - but she cares more of the experience of meeting with friends than the game itself. We sit down and paint miniatures together at least once a week though!
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    Maybe there's a shared interest in the hobby that you haven't explored yet. I know the actual gameplay of DND seems to be your interest, but maybe you would both like the creative process of coming up with a story that you end up DMing for your friends, or maybe you both would like to paint minis, build terrain, etc.! Or, maybe DND isn't something she wants to engage in, and that's completely normal and healthy too. A 32 Reply Share
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    Clone_Chaplain . 9 hr. ago Thank you for sharing all this. It's helpful for me since I'm definitely the type to want to share all my hobbies with my wife, but she's just not interested in TTRPGS A² V 2 Reply Share Forg1vn - 7 hr. ago I feel you. I wish my girlfriend would have interest in strategy but to be fair she puts up with my shenanigans and will come to nerd cons with me so I'll take it. 3 Reply Share ...
    via u/Clone_Chaplain, u/F0rg1vn
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    MetalGuy J 1 day ago Discussing the problem behaviour with her is a good idea, I would do it before your next session, make it clear that you care about her, but your job as DM is to make sure everyone at the table is having fun. Give her a chance to change, but be aware that if she doesn't, you might have to step away from the campaign, but for the overall health of your relationship and your continued enjoyment of D&D. 16 Reply Share
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    Ch215 17 hr. ago DnD is not (at this time) her game. Low agency games are probably not her thing. Try some other games or share another hobby with her. I believe she likely wants more agency as a player to say what happens than DnD has the mechanical ability to deliver. I have known a lot of players like this, and having a preference to specific types of games in natural in the hobby. I love DnD (BECMI is my childhood) but it is a low agency game, until in BECMI, you achieve Immortality. Low Age
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    AD&D is an intentionally low agency game and is the basis of WoTC DnD. The only real way to make it high agency is to Co-DM. Low Agency games can be fun- but often have a lot of rules that drive simulation/emulation instead of cinematic games. TSR specifically made low agency simulation style games and they dominated the hobby without question until the 90's. The major Player Agency boost I saw what Karma usage in Marvel Superheroes- this was my first exposure to a narrative metacurrency. "FASER
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    White Wolf really proved high agency games have a place in the hobby and brought in tons of new views, types of players and inspired a LOT of people to looking at adding more agency to a player role instead of letting them co-GM. Many PC types bad ways players could change the story directly in Ars Magica, and later in MAGE, players could eventually play Storyteller optional. Now, games like FATE, Cortex Prime, Cypher and more add actual agency metacurrency and story development to the player ro
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    allowing the GM to intervene (positively or negatively) or succeeding in progressing their character arcs. The mechanics of the game are generally resource budgeting and engaging narrative. Only players roll and they use their traits and points to ease difficulties set by the GM based on how much they really want to succeed in something. Some game have high Agency without gamifying it. Ryuutama, and Fabula Ultima which it inspired, are examples that come to mind. Also many PbtA games. There was
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    unfortunately named Kobold Press version of 5e that "Project Black Flag" became. I backed it but haven't played it. It looks good and anyone who played games with higher player agency will recognize the differences they added to give players more agency. 1 A¹V Reply Share
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    fortinbuff 16 hr. ago My wife was the exact same way when she started playing. And to be honest, it was a long process to get her to change. She's a great player now. A few things helped me get through to her. 1. Pointing out good player behavior. "See how Bob was supportive and helped me with rules in this moment?" "See how Sally gave great support and reaction to that scene?" "See how Jeff took my ruling and accepted it, even though he failed?" Showing others' good sportsmanship gives her a ba
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    2. Have her play with other DMs. Preferably with you as a player. Let her see you model the good behavior you want from her as a DM. One thing I found with my wife was she ONLY acted that way because it was ME behind the screen. And she never acted that way towards other players in our game. It was only directed at me, her husband. Sometimes being that comfortable in a relationship means you'll easily complain about something, whereas you might hold back if you're less close to the person. Let h
    via u/fortinbuff
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    3. More than once, I gave my wife an ultimatum: "If anyone else acted the way you did at the table, I'd kick them out. I'm only giving you another chance because you're my wife. But you have to knock it off." Say what you will about this approach. Yes, it's special treatment. I will fully admit to treating my wife differently than my other players. I never gave her special treatment IN game or as her character. (Frequently, that was what she would complain about). But out of game, as a player, y
    via u/fortinbuff
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    This got through to her. Because she knew that no one else at the table acted the way she did. And when she realized that I would have kicked them out - some of my BEST friends - then I was serious about the issues I was bringing up. Sometimes she would still be angry. More than once she said, "Well maybe you SHOULD kick me. They all enjoy the game, obviously, and I don't. So maybe I'm not a good fit." My response was, "I will if that's what you really think is best. But I think you can still pl
    via u/fortinbuff
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    things don't go your way. You do that all the time, and we all have a lot of fun. Everyone loves having you at the table, including me. You just can't double down and get angry when things don't go your way." She IS an incredible player now. But it took years, and again I can't lie: I would not have done this for anyone but my wife. Anyone else would have gotten the boot. It's not my job to teach randos how to become good D&D players and take them from zero to great. So that's another thing to e
    via u/fortinbuff

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